Today is one of those days where I obsess over something small to avoid thinking about more serious topics. My obsession today -- at least the main one -- is acne. My acne went away for the most part (besides one or two smallish volcano pimps that I seemed to constantly have) in November and December. But since last month, it has slowly regained its foothold on my face. It's a little painful, yes. And it takes forever to cover all these pimps with concealer each morning. But mostly, it just sucks being an adult with moderate-severe acne. Everyone told me it would go away when I got out of my teenage years, but it just got worse. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel powerless to manage it. I feel insecure. Sometimes I even feel that people judge me, like my skin is "dirty" and that's what causes my acne. But really, as I go about my day, my acne is not usually on my mind. I only feel those feelings sometimes. I know there's only so much I can do, and so I try not to dwell.
However. I've been obsessing for a good three hours. Reading articles, flipping through a book my mom bought me about holistic acne management, and scouring the internet for face products with just the right list of ingredients.
And I know it's silly. I know it is. And honestly I think I am just stressed about my next exam, various papers and projects that are all due quite soon, how dirty my apartment is, finding a summer job, figuring out how to by a volunteer at the local hospital, the possibility of running another marathon next fall (with a friend of mine who is fast), and a lot of body insecurity issues that have been on my mind almost constantly for the past few months. I feel guilty and overwhelmed with all of it, and it's much easier to obsess over my face. Or my body. Or running.
So, I don't really know how to end this. Because honestly, as soon as I click "publish" I'm going to dive back into searching for a cure for my acne. And my jiggly thighs. And my incredibly slow running pace. I guess I just wanted to come clean. Hopefully tomorrow I can tackle some of these to-do's and I will feel better.
However. I've been obsessing for a good three hours. Reading articles, flipping through a book my mom bought me about holistic acne management, and scouring the internet for face products with just the right list of ingredients.
And I know it's silly. I know it is. And honestly I think I am just stressed about my next exam, various papers and projects that are all due quite soon, how dirty my apartment is, finding a summer job, figuring out how to by a volunteer at the local hospital, the possibility of running another marathon next fall (with a friend of mine who is fast), and a lot of body insecurity issues that have been on my mind almost constantly for the past few months. I feel guilty and overwhelmed with all of it, and it's much easier to obsess over my face. Or my body. Or running.
So, I don't really know how to end this. Because honestly, as soon as I click "publish" I'm going to dive back into searching for a cure for my acne. And my jiggly thighs. And my incredibly slow running pace. I guess I just wanted to come clean. Hopefully tomorrow I can tackle some of these to-do's and I will feel better.
